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What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “flirting”? Maybe you think of a cheesy rom com meet-cute in which both characters reach for the same orange in the produce aisle, accidentally bumping hands and somehow knowing the perfect words to exchange. Or you think of Joey from Friends.
On the other hand, the concept of flirting can elicit visceral reactions—“the ick” in physical form. The pressure! The sweaty palms! The social anxiety! It’s no wonder many of us would rather cozy up on the couch, and stream the new season of Love Is Blind as we scroll through another think piece on the rising number of single people in the world.
Yes, there’s the stereotypical flirting you’ve seen on TV. But that’s not what flirting has to be—especially when you consider some of the principles you already know from yoga, meditation, or any form of mindfulness. Why not apply these same practices to flirting?
Flirting Isn’t What You Think It Is
“A lot of people think flirting can only be with romantic intent, otherwise it’s leading someone on,” says Benjamin Camras, a yoga teacher and self-titled Flirt Coach based in Chapel Hill, North Carolina whose goal is to help people positively reframe what he calls “the flirt.”
There are a lot of misconceptions about what it means to have flirting skills, explains Camras, including the idea that you need to have a “hook” of some sort—that your humor, wit, or intelligence need to be at the forefront of the interaction. Instead, he suggests, “think about the flirt as an opportunity.”
“It’s an opportunity to learn something about yourself or someone else. An opportunity to make a connection. An opportunity to smile and put a smile on someone else’s face. An opportunity to be in the moment and share some energy,” he says.
Flirting can be romantic, but it doesn’t have to be. “It could be an in-the-moment flirt that’s once in a lifetime, or even something that leads to a new friend or a date,” says Camras.
He draws inspiration from yoga in his approach to flirting. “Many of the same challenges that come up in yoga come up in flirting and dating,” Camras says—confidence issues, anxiety, and self-doubt to name a few. A mindful approach can help you address these obstacles in a way that honors who you are and your unique energy—no “how YOU doin’” required.
5 Lessons From Yoga That Can Teach You How to Flirt
According to Camras, principles found in yoga can help you spark interactions and connections in your life. Here’s how.
1. Release Your Expectations
Yoga teaches us to accept who we are. Applying the same mindset to social interactions can transform your entire view of flirting. “Your flirting and dating lives will change when you can be in the moment and find contentment (santosha), or non-judgment, with the people and experiences you’re having,” says Camras.
And it doesn’t have to look a certain way. Flirting can be making friendly eye contact with someone in the grocery store, smiling, or saying hello. It doesn’t need to be a full-fledged conversation or even romantic. Consider it a chance to bring some of your positive vibes into the world—without any pressure on the outcome.
2. It’s All About Connection
Just as practicing yoga prompts you to turn your attention inward and become aware of what’s happening in your body and mind, flirting is an exercise in connecting with yourself first. It’s the practice of trusting yourself to be seen, says Camras.
Flirting is also a way to experience “the energy of acknowledgement,” he says. “There’s a lot of disconnection, where we’re walking around and we just don’t even acknowledge one another,” says Camras. “Connection is not only healing, but it deeply impacts our well-being,” he says.
Sharing a friendly “Hello,” or a genuine “How are you?” to the people you interact with on a daily basis can go a long way in making you and the other person feel more seen.
3. Focus on the Breath
Flirting can be nerve-racking, but focusing on your breath can help, says Camras. He mentions Alternate Nostril Breathing (Nadi Shodhana Pranayama) and Box Breathing (Sama Vritti Pranayama). These are calming practices you can do anywhere, anytime—before gearing up to smile at or say something to someone.
Grounding yourself with the breath helps you stay in the present moment. And when you’re in the present, you empower yourself to give and receive, Camras says. Being in the present moment can also help you better feel out the vibe—whether you want to spark an interaction with someone and whether they seem receptive or not.
4. Resistance Is Part of the Process
You know those incessant (and often negative) thoughts that pop into your head while on your yoga mat? “I’m not good at this, I can’t do this,” says Camras. He points out that a lot of people have these same limiting beliefs surrounding flirting and dating.
These are only our “perceived limitations,” he says. He encourages people to reframe the self-doubt narrative with expanding questions like, “What if you can prove to yourself that you can do it?” and “What if you fully believed in yourself?” If you apply an abundance mindset to flirting and making real-life connections, “imagine how that might transfer to other areas of your life,” says Camras.
5. You Are Your Own Best Teacher
Ultimately, how you make connections is up to you. Though some people crave the “perfect” thing to say or do, flirting is really about honoring yourself and others in that moment.
“I can give you every tip and trick in the world. I can give you the script. But when you’re in the moment and you’re feeling the emotions, good, bad, and anything in between, can you trust yourself?” says Camras.
Ready to flirt? Camras has plenty of ideas to get you started.
