“], “filter”: { “nextExceptions”: “img, blockquote, div”, “nextContainsExceptions”: “img, blockquote, a.btn, a.o-button”} }”>
Heading out the door? Read this article on the new Outside+ app available now on iOS devices for members!
>”,”name”:”in-content-cta”,”type”:”link”}}”>Download the app.
“It’s all starting to flow,” I jot down in my notebook during an anatomy talk, nodding to myself.
Given how loud (and bitchy) my brain has been lately, the relief I experience at this thought is palpable. My entire body seems to melt into my makeshift seat of a bolster beneath me and my back to the wall. The room feels more comfortable this weekend, my fourth in yoga teacher training. Like I belong in it.
The more we learn, from anatomy to yogic philosophy, the more there is to learn, which is both overwhelming and thrilling. If I’m going to devote my time to attempting to understand anything, this practice of mind, body, and spirit is undoubtedly worth my wholehearted attention.
10 Thoughts I Had During My Fourth Weekend of YTT
I realize that this process of growing and healing is not a linear one, so I’m choosing to ride this high for as long as I’m able.
1. Oh, there I am!
Or rather, here I am. I’ve undergone a great deal of change over the past couple of years, the kind that tilts your external access, forces you to settle deeper into an inner identity, and ultimately defines this wild human experiment. This was the first weekend of YTT that I fully showed up as me, and the difference in my experience and practice was palpable.
There’s no feeling quite like looking in that mirror and truly seeing yourself.
2. I’m a kneeler.
I am not bendy. Like, at all. I can barely touch my toes, though my abilities do shift and expand when I’m practicing regularly. I have been used as an example of a non-flexible human being more than once throughout training, a reality that challenges my ego and invites me to accept my body (and myself) as is in the present moment.
A seated meditation is meant to be a comfortable one. I discovered during our last module that, for me, that means I’m kneeling. Not muscling my way into Lotus Pose, not perched on a block, but kneeling. And you know what? I’m cool with it.
3. Yoga classes sound different now.
As I learn more about grounding, cueing, and sequencing, yoga classes take on a whole new kind of learning. I find myself listening to and observing teachers in a new way, and feeling even more respect (and awe) as they navigate and guide the room.
4. Ugh…I talk like a California girl (that I am).
This is especially true when I’m nervous. I find myself dropping into vocal fry, or upspeak, or a fit of giggles when I’m practicing teaching in front of my cohort—or even just one or two members.
5. I need to work on my core strength.
I have long suspected this fact, mostly due to my lack of defined abs, but it becomes more evident—and essential—in the yoga studio. My beginner-to-moderate core strength means I tend to load weight into my wrists and ankles, which is painful and not at all sustainable. When I bring my core online, my entire practice is smoother, stronger, and more enjoyable.
More Pilates, please.
6. Myofascial release HURTS.
Who knew a well-placed lacrosse ball could elicit such agony (and, after that, such relief)?
7. Hot yoga may not be for me.
This thought has been plaguing me since weekend one. I’ve been countering the urge to blame the heat for my lack of presence by reminding myself that I wasn’t practicing as regularly as usual prior to this training. But when a teacher hosted a non-heated class for a series of flowing Sun Salutations, I dropped into that same space I thought I had forgotten. When the class was over, I was able to revel in Savasana in a way I just can’t in a heated room.
I will likely incorporate hot yoga into my practice going forward because it’s so uncomfortable for me—but it’s just not my bag, baby.
8. That said, it definitely has its benefits.
I envy those who can reach a meditative state in the heat because the benefits to one’s flexibility, both short- and long-term, are tangible for many. Including me.
9. The vulnerability is real.
Perhaps it’s the comfort that comes with four weekends spent as a group. Or perhaps it’s my own spirit being emboldened. But I’m getting very real. Everyone else is, too. This applies to my YTT cohort as well as other areas of my life. It’s becoming sillier and more boring to be anything less than entirely vulnerable—aka the strongest me possible.
10. Maybe teaching isn’t as scary as I think.
Given how many yoga classes us trainees have attended, it seems like the teaching part would come naturally. It doesn’t. Still, I’m finding more and more moments where confidence displaces fear and I’m able to step into the role of teacher, if only for a beat.
Though I don’t believe I will actually teach yoga after YTT, gaining knowledge and confidence in this space is a holistic win for me.
Follow along!
10 Thoughts I Had During My Third Weekend of Yoga Teacher Training
10 Thoughts I Had During My Second Weekend of Yoga Teacher Training
10 Thoughts I Had During My First Weekend of Yoga Teacher Training
